I would redeem myself for you
by LisaAbiona15
Summary: Inspired by the 6.10 promo. Regina abducts the princess and hates her a lot less than she expected. How annoying. Femslash.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Ouat. This was inspired by the promo of 6.10. I already posted this on Tumblr, btw.**

Regina will treasure Snow's haunted look, the scream she lets out. It might actually be better than crushing her heart. She ignores the angry yell of her insipid prince (this is between Snow and her. It has always been)

" You know.." she says slowly, one hand still buried in long blonde locks and the other pointing a sword at the woman's neck . "you might actually have done me a favor when you made sure I could never kill you".

She laughs. " Because this hurts so much more, does it not? ".

" Let her go " Snow says, sword in hand and her 'prince' glaring at Regina over Snow's shoulder. Arrows fly at her from the right, completely uselessly of course. She could stop an infinite amount of arrows with her magic.

The princess in her arms glares at her. " why must you hurt my mother? She spared you".

Regina pulls the spoiled little thing in her arms closer. " She never spared Daniel".

" Regina.. I was ten. It was a mistake".

Regina snaps her head back, mourning the fact that she cannot use her magic like that on Snow anymore. "A _mistake_? I implored you to not- ".

" She was your mother! How was I supposed to know what she would do, I just did not want you to- ".

" You could have _LISTENED_ "she screams the last word and it is only when there is a sharp hiss that she manages to push away the murderous haze and focus on something else than the familiar image in her head where she crushes Snow's heart

When she glances down at the source of the sharp hiss, there are little half-moons pouring blood on a pale arm. She glances back at Snow, who is watching her daughter with the kind of heartbreak written on her face that might even sully her 'pure' soul

It is at this moment that the coldness returns. With a savage kind of pleasure, Regina smiles. " if I cannot kill you, Snow, then I will do what you did to me: I will take the thing you love most"

There are screams and yells and feet running towards her as the purple smoke takes them away.

—

She pushes the princess away from her as soon as the world rushes back into focus. She chuckles as the woman stumbles a bit. Not as graceful as one would expect, with all the tutoring she has surely gotten.

She prowls towards the woman at the moment that this nemesis turns, clutching her arm and still glaring (honestly, do the Charming family members only have one expression?) at her. "Release me this instant " she orders.

"Hm.." Regina cocks her head, pretends to think it over. Then smiles. " I do not think so".

She suddenly grabs the princess' chin and yanks her forward. Her hands clench in a way that almost makes Regina think she is about to get hit. "Now let me look at my pric-".

The princess yanks her head back. " Do not touch me".

" I will do as a please, I am a que-".

" Even if you were, I will not let you touch me".

" Even if I-?

The little rat steps toward Regina. " You are not the rightful queen".

"You insolent, pathetic-".

"You know you are n-"

Regina steps closer, closer, closer until she is close enough to see the woman's pupils dilate and hear her breathing as well as voice falter and smell her. Her eyes flick down , to where a pulse is jumping & the woman is clearly swallowing with difficulty.

" You are not the rightful monarch" she finishes.

" I was forced to marry your grandfather, I.. earned that title" Regina says, even if it always felt more like 'I was sentenced to that title' than 'I earned' it.

The princess blinks in confusion. " _Forced_? ".

That actually makes Regina steps back, after which she immediately catches herself and presses that inch forward again. Even if the way she is being studied, the wariness but also curiosity and something else makes her feel like she is a young girl again and Cora's eyes never leave her for long.

(especially after she had fallen so hard ; every time Cora looked at her it had felt like an accusation then)

" What- "

Regina waves her hand and transports the woman away before she can ask the questions she obviously wants to. A part of her is stunned ( why did I not hurt her? She is Snow's and why did that slip out of my mouth? ) but she pushes that part down. Questioning herself has not done her any good, these past years.

Still, a part of her is rattled. She tells herself it is just the feeling of finally having a chance at revenge or the long nights and days she has had working towards this and then finally to just shut up.

What really is going on , she cannot admit. But it probably has something to do with all the hatred she had gathered and prepared , just slowly leaking away when she actually came face-to-face with Snow's daughter.

Perhaps she is just tired.

—-

The first couple of days, Regina amuses herself by spying on Snow. Snow, who is relentlessly hunting for her daughter, who is in meetings that are all Emma Emma Emma and whose eyes are desperate and heartbroken. Regina tells herself to enjoy the tears, the mutters of 'I did this, how even Snow's prince seems to have very brief moments of hesitation.

She watches and observes how Snow changes. Her eyes are different, her hands tremble, the way she walks is subtly different. A broken bird she thinks and she feels her own heart ache in remembrance of how losing a loved one feels (right? That is why her heart aches, because it remembers Daniel. Right?)

It must have been a week when she first visits the princess. She taunts her and the foolish woman runs towards her, reaches for her with fierce protection in her eyes For a moment , Regina honestly thinks this woman capable of hurting her, of darkening herself to spare Snow all this pain.

Then she is on the floor, Regina throwing her head back as she laughs, one hand still outstretched and the scent of her magic slowly disappearing.

Weeks. It is weeks of taunting and bickering and magic (sometimes wondering why am I not doing worse than this) that does not scare the princess off, does not temper her spirit. In fact, she remains honest to the point of disrespect and somehow, it impacts Regina. They both do not speak of it, but her taunts become teasing instead and she is less keen to throw the princess on the floor or against walls using magic.

Then the _Thing_ happens

They asked Rumpelstilstskin perhaps. Or some other sorcerer. Or perhaps even that fairy ( even though her magic is not supposed to be like this). Whoever helped them, the end result is a magic arrow stuck in Regina's shoulder.

Two gestures and the people who attacked her are dead , but Regina is already weakening. The world starts to sway and she almost falls into the arms of one of her soldiers. It is only a harsh voice – do not show weakness dear- and the cold terror that warns her that her soldiers will only follow her if she is strong and ruthless that keep her from fainting

She fakes a cruel chuckle and thinks 'home , bring me home, somewhere safe' : her magic obeys.

Except it doesn't, because she certainly did not mean to transport herself to the princess did she?

Then there are suddenly gentle, slightly calloused hands on her and the world is blurring and moving and darkening so she cannot see but she hears that voice breaking " Regina. Re- gina" . She can feel herself fading, her senses leaving her one by one. There is something wet falling on her face and there are breathless gasps and there is-

" REGINA"

"Emma? " she mumbles , half-out of it. For a moment, she sees a meadow and gentle blue eyes. She reaches for him, aches for him all over again. There is a confusing moment of bliss where he is hugging her and then he is pushing her away, Rocante's neigh the last thing she hears before she opens her eyes grudgingly.

And the world changes.

Emma is crying, trembling. The tunic Regina gave her ( just because Emma was starting to smell horribly of course) is torn, the piece of fabric now wrapped around Regina's shoulder. The arrow is on the floor, broken into pieces.

" R-regina?".

"Emma? " Regina repeats, too confused and tired (and a bit delusional) to emotionally pull away. She licks her lips that feel like they have been on fire. It is not the only unpleasant sensation, because there are approximately six different ways her body is in intense pain right now but-

Amidst all that, there is Emma's wide eyes and Emma's miniscule, shy smile and just-

Regina tries to push her away and the world starts to sway again. She almost screams at the pain.

"Don't move! The wound is pretty bad and I am not certain, but the arrow seemed- ".

" I know. Magic ".

" Right. Do you have any counter spells or – ".

" It was only my shoulder. It will have to heal the ordinary way – magic won't work- and I will be weakened for several weeks, but that is all".

" Oh" she says and Regina nods. She probably should pull away. And say something about how much this kindness towards her greatest enemy will hurt Snow (Snow killed Daniel. Snow reveled in Regina's imprisonment, in how she was caught in that role of stepmother. Surely Snow is cruel, all that kindness a façade)

Instead, she stays. Her voice is cruel and cold but Emma merely smiles and lifts her eyebrows, not bothered at all.

Emma is a lot stronger than the usual princess, as is shown when Regina wakes and she is in Emma's bed. It is not a good bed, hardly a bed at all but it is still better than the floor that Emma is curled on.

She shivers and Regina struggles to push herself up. Manages barely and presses against the wound as she stands. She hesitates only the shortest moment before she grabs the blanket and manages to throw it on top of the shivering princess.

She looks back one more time, braced against the wall, at the slumbering princess.

My undoing she thinks and she almost lets herself wonder 'in what way?',

—

Emma never speaks of how she suddenly gets a nicer room or is allowed to read and train in private (apparently she swordfights which surprises Regina until she remembers that Snow had learned how to fight herself). She is never allowed to fight against Regina's guards, no matter how often she says 'I need an opponent or how else will I improve?'.

The world truly has changed, because even if Regina is the same towards her guards and the same during the sparse moments she checks on Snow, she and Emma are different

Emma is allowed to look at her wound, Regina's barbs hardly enough to deter her. Emma is allowed to touch Regina sometimes. She is even allowed to ask about magic ( and Regina has to bite her tongue to keep herself from apologizing when she laughs, leans forward and purrs ' Would you like a taste? Your mother would be so disappointed' because Emma looks so pained and angry at that).

Time moves slow and fast at the same time. The mirror shows Snow and Charming searching everywhere, asking everywhere, calling in favors. They are also still ruling, of course, but they spent every 'free' moment looking for their daughter. There are posters nailed to trees, distributed to the people, brought to other kingdoms.

The seasons change and Emma begs and argues long enough until she is allowed outside. Regina's heart nearly stops when her hand is gripped and she is pulled along. She manages only the barest of protest and Emma's knowing grin annoys her, but makes her smile as well

That smile is wiped away when Emma throws a snowball at her.

Of course, that somehow escalates into a full-on snowball fight where Emma keeps whining about her 'cheating with magic' even though she is cheating herself by sneaking up on Regina( surely that is cheating) and making them both fall in the snow.

Her cheeks are flushed, her eyes sparkle and her hair is a tangled mess of white and gold. Regina's heart jumps and her throat constricts when leveled with a loving look that she hardly even recognizes.

Then of course Emma has to ruin the moment by grabbing a hand of snow and dumping it down Regina's dress

" It is your own fault for wearing a dress like _that_ in the snow!" Emma laughs, sprinting away as Regina screams bloody murder. This of course leads to another fight, one where Regina basically lifts all the snow in the garden and jumps it on Emma.

And laughs and laughs and laughs

–

"You know.. I do not think I have ever heard you laugh like that" Emma says. They are in her room and Emma is in the bathtub, a screen unfortunately hiding her from Regina's view. Regina is on a chair in front of it.

" Like what? ".

" So happy. And not your – " Emma hesitates, her voice lowering. " your mean happy".

" _mean_ happy? That is terribly juvenile of you to say" .

" You know what I mean" Emma sounds terribly relieved, Regina notes.

" I suppose so. It was vaguely amusing to see you stumble over your own feet".

" I did not stumble, you made me fall. Because you were cheating".

" It is hardly cheating".

" It is too!".

They are both silent for a while, the only sounds calm breathing and the water as Emma moves in it. Is mostly comfortable, though it does leave Regina too much time to wonder what exactly the damn screen is keeping from her. Far, far too much time

" Are you warm?" Emma suddenly asks and for one crazy moment Regina thinks that she knows exactly what is going through Regina's mind but then she understands

" I am fairly warm, yes. The blanket is comfortable".

" Thank you for letting me go first".

" I have magic that can keep me warm".

" Yes, but that has been malfunctioning ".

Regina grits her teeth. She hates the reminder. " I do not need the reminder, I am perfectly aware"

And so the bickering ensues. And continues. And only ends when Emma leaves that goddamn bathtub with a blanket wrapped around her but still bare shoulders and bare legs and water sliding down-

For Hades' sake, since when is Regina this easily distracted by a little skin?

"Regina?" . Regina hardly hears it, still busy with gliding her eyes all over Emma's blanket-clad body. "So I definitely win the discussion, do- " Emma's voice is suddenly a lot higher when Regina comes closer, her eyes locked on the droplets that are sliding down Emma's neck towards her –

" Is the water still warm? " Regina pretends like she was not just staring at Emma in a way that the starving peasants normally look at buffets.

"Uh it is lukewarm".

Regina waves her hand, the water immediately replaced with clean and steaming water. She turns around and shows Emma her back. " Can you untie the knots ? " she asks. Her outfits may be extravagant and intimidating and distracting, but they are also hard to get out of. Which is why she normally uses magic, but why would she with Emma near?

" Ehm. Are you wearing anything beneath that?".

" Obviously not. Hurry or the water will be cold. _Again_ "

"Fine, fine"

Emma starts untying the knots of today's outfit and Regina can feel her fingers tremble against her bare skin. Little thrills shoot through her at every brush of the hesitant fingers. It seems like a delicious torture until finally, all the knots are untied and she can breathe a little easier.

Or she would, had Emma's touches not ruined everything.

" Push it down" she commands, cursing herself at how the command comes out.

" P-push- "

" Push. It- " Emma suddenly does as she is instructed and Regina gasps at the cold air that attacks her skin. She can feel her skin goose bump , but she does not cast another warming spell. After this whole torturous day in Emma's presence with Emma's naked body close to her and Emma's touches, she can use the cover the cold offers .

She turns around, smiles at Emma. " Very well. Now get it off me".

Emma stares at her, hands clenched into fists, mouth a little open and obviously fighting not to let her eyes drift lower. " Can you not do that yourself?".

" It is easier this way".

"Fine". Emma slowly kneels and Regina puts one of her hands on her shoulder, lifts her right foot. One shoe is removed, then another. Finally, Emma places her hands on Regina's hips and takes a deep breath.

Her eyes are closed as she pulls the fabric down

Regina steps out of it and pads Emma's head. " Thank you" she says absentmindedly, enchanted by the slight flush on Emma's cheeks, the wonder in her eyes that are slowly opening, the fluttering of her lashes..

She nearly falls into the bathtub, which seems to end the enchantment for both of them.

"Thank you?" Emma questions with a tiny smirk

" Yes. You make a semi-competent servant" Regina says as she sinks into the bathtub.

"I am not actually your servant" Emma says, sounding fondly exasperated.

" Too bad. I would not mind if you were " Regina says, enjoying the hot water. She offers her hand to Emma, who hands her the sponge.

" Keep on dreaming" Emma laughs.

" You really have a beautiful laugh" Regina says offhandedly, then freezes. She had not meant to say that ( even if it is true, because Emma glows when she laughs)

" Get out".

" what? "

"Get. Out" Regina spits.

" So what that you think my- " .

Regina does something she hasn't for a very long time. She lights a fireball and throws it in Emma's direction. She regrets it the moment Emma's face darkens. She stands up, throws Regina a look that makes her regret (when was the last time she felt that particular emotion?) it so very much.

" Is that how it is going to be ? Every time you say something nice, you are going to counter it with insults and abuse? ".

Regina starts to leave the bathtub, 'sorry' s and 'wait' s and explanations on her lips, things she has no idea whether she can even say. She snaps her fingers , magically dressing herself so she won't have to do this naked.

Emma is already at the door when she calls "Emma, w-wait".

It is the slight tremble in Regina's voice that makes Emma even turn around. But her expression is still angry and her arms are crossed.

" I - " Regina nearly chokes on the words, then pushes them out quickly. " am sorry. I should not have spoken to you like that".

"No, you should not have ".

She means to offer explanations that do not give away what she is starting to feel and think, but instead says 'you are my enemy's daughter".

Emma suddenly looks a lot more tired than angry. " And you are the woman who destroyed entire villages, who killed people needlessly and tried to crush my mother's heart" she whispers.

Regina nods. " I- " _wanted to be happy. Did not want your mother to get away with murdering the only person who had chosen me so completely. Was changed by so many people and through so many circumstances. Felt so empty_

" Mom still talks about you sometimes, did you know that?".

Regina shakes her head. She feels cold again somehow.

" Yes. And of course, a lot of it is really bad. She censored it, because she was afraid of the impact it would have on me. She never thought about me asking other people, so I know most of it regardless. However, she also talks about some of the good things". Emma pauses. "When you did not cast the Dark Curse…". Emma shakes her head, whispers "you should've seen how happy she was. She was crying with happiness, because she thought- ".

Emma does not finish, but Regina knows. Knows exactly what snow thought.

But it never was about redemption. It was about a price too high to pay, a single and a short moment of clarity.

There is a heavy kind of silence between them as Emma walks back to her, until there are once again so very close. Regina desperately wants to know what Emma is thinking, so she stares into the by now familiar eyes but they are closed off.

" It is not too late" Emma finally says , slowly moving her hand towards Regina's. Regina forces herself not to grab that hand, squeeze it, never let it go. This is about Emma. It is Emma's choice. " Mom might even forgive you".

" No, she won't. No one will".

" I will" Emma says it with such conviction that Regina almost believes her.

" So that is it then? You want me to just surrender".

Emma comes even closer. " I want you to be happy. I want all of us to be happy".

Regina is torn between an intense desire to take the last step, to accept whatever Emma is willing to offer ( oh how humiliating that she would possibly even accept scraps from this woman) and pushing her away as hard as possible, drive her away until she is far enough for Regina to never find her again.

Emma seems to feel this because she squeezes the hand she had taken sometime during the conversation. She squeezes it once, then gives Regina a small smile. " I will let you think about it. But you cannot keep hurting Regina, I just-".

 _so you would drop me as soon as I-_

" I understand that everyone makes mistakes, but you only going to hurt everyone including yourself. And- ". Here Emma chokes a little. " What if mom decides she has given you enough chances? ".

Regina thinks of the crazed look Snow had the last time she spied on her. How she screamed at an advisor.

" Just- come and get me if you have decided okay?"

And before Regina can speak any of her terrifying secrets , like that three-letter-one that cost her everything before, Emma is gone.

–

In the end, Regina waits too long. She leaves on a horse for business, still very much in doubt and when she returns…

When she returns nightmares she did not even know she had have become true.

There is blood in the throne room and in the sitting room and in the hallways. There are corpses that have swords run through them and corpses with arrows in their backs and corpses with no marks whatsoever which means one thing only (magic).

Regina only vaguely notes all of this as she runs towards the chamber, only barely keeping herself from screaming Emma's name. She is screaming it in her head though, amidst all the thoughts like I will kill them, wring their necks tear them limb from limb burn them

The spells that guarded Emma are broken. The door ripped from its hinges. The three guards laying in puddles of blood, murdered in such a way that even she grimaces a little bit. She stumbles, reaches for the wall as the pain is overwhelming

I lost her

Before she can spiral into one of her murderous moods and tear the castle apart searching for any enemies that are still there, she hears it. Faint, broken, pained breathing. She raises her head, pushes away from the wall

It is an enemy soldier, sword in his stomach. She grabs the hilt as she kneels next to him, puts her mouth close to his ear. " Who took her?"

He shudders. " Can't… tell.." he manages to croak

She retracts the sword a little, pushes it in again. He cries.

" Who took her".

She lights a fireball, presses it into his skin while he whimpers and sobs.

"Who took her".

Brings the fireball to the sword injury while he pants and whimpers and mutters "no.. p-please..".

" Who took her".

He screams the name by the time she asks for the tenth time and everything vanishes for a while. When she comes to, her breathing is harsh and her hands sore. It smells like burned flesh. She wipes the blood from her face and stands.

She will find Emma

–

She waits until after the meeting, disguised as a servant. When they dismiss her, she keeps her head low and nods. Instead she lingers and waits. When the last person has left, she slips back inside and slams the door closed.

She throws her hood back, wills her body to take on its real form. Forces the words out of her "I need your help. Emma was taken".


	2. I would save my enemy for you

**I don't own OUAT. Also, I did not proofread this, because it is late & I have school tomorrow (oops). Will look at it again tomorrow. **

Predictably, the prince pulls a sword and pushes Snow behind him. Just as predictably Snow is even faster than him and there is an arrow pointed at Regina's heart while the sword is inches away from her neck.

It makes her antsy- this is pointless and every second that these _idiots_ are wasting, Emma is being taken farther and farther away from her.

" What are you talking about, _witch_ " Charming says, the sword inching closer to her. His arm is trembling, seemingly because of the effort it takes to keep himself from not killing her.

Regina suddenly feels very tired when she sees Snow only hesitates a moment, her mouth opening like she is going to repeat that mantra 'stop, we are good' but then closes it with the kind of look in her eyes that makes Regina feel sick to her stomach.

No, that is just- Emma is gone. Everything is falling apart. That is why her stomach is basically a beehive and her chest is constricted. The hardness, the near coldness in Snow's eyes has nothing to do with it.

"Emma was taken from my castle a week ago. A sorcerer was behind the attack" .

Snow and pretty boy exchange glances. The sword is touching her skin, the pressure more uncomfortable than painful. It could change any minute, but she could burn them- no, she can't. That rotten enchantment , she _can't._

" A good one?" Snow asks , but the way her voice is near fragile already tells Regina she knows. Oh there is still hope that it was some insipid fairy trying to rescue the princess or even a brave knight or prince working with a sorcerer or whatever 'happy ending' Snow has wanted for this particular tale. But somewhere inside Snow's dull head, she knows.

" Not at all. And even if were someone _you_ would call good, that does not mean anything".

Snow's little shepherd grits his teeth, fire in his eyes. She smiles at him, that cold and cruel and just the tiniest bit flirtatious smile. " Are you going to actually use your … s _word_ shepherd". The furious look in his eyes burns even more, his sword digging into her skin just that bit more. She is probably bleeding by now.

It is then that she realizes what she is doing. She is wasting time. She has been playing this game for so long now that it is automatic, goading Snow and Charming, angering them, pushing them to the brink because they are not as good as they claim they be and she is s _ick_ of people pretending they are so pure.

" Stop. We are wasting time. We have to leave, _now_ ".

Snow exchanges a look with her prince. " Why would we trust you?".

" Because I am not asking you to trust me. I am expecting you to save your daughter".

She is starting to breathe heavier, her magic twisting beneath her skin like tiny ants trying to crawl through her skin. Images are flashing in her head; Emma with her clothes torn and gashes, Emma with tears on her cheeks and that defiant stubbornness in her eyes, Emma with her neck snapped. She blinks furiously.

" Regina?" Snow asks and when Regina can finally shovel the images away, Snow has lowered her bow and has actually taken a few careful steps towards her. She is still angry and hurt, with deep bags behind her eyes but there is that façade again.

" Why do you even need us " the shepherd asks and Regina glances at him, then stares at Snow again. The months without Emma have done something terrible to her.

" My magic alone won't be enough. And you have some useful allies".

" What about your own?" Snow asks.

"They are not a great help in this case. Are you done asking pointless questions or we going to continue this until we are sure that we have tarried long enough that Emma is already dead?".

Snow bites her lips, then nods and looks at him. " Charming" .

" Snow, NO!" Snow's 'prince' nearly shouts. " We can't trust her".

" What if it's Emma's only hope? ".

The shepherd suddenly turns around, his left hand cupping Snow's cheek- which, seriously?- and the right still pointing his sword at her. She resists the urge to magic it into her own hand. " We will find another way, we a _lways_ do" . He smiles at Snow, all endless love and trust and Regina wants to t _hrow up_ or kill someone or scream how dare you _smile_ when she is gone.

Snow rests her head against his and- " Enough. If you two have actually gotten it into your dull heads that Emma needs your help, I will be at my- ".

" where to? " it's Snow who asks it of course, shepherd boy remaining silent while he glares at her with contempt and disgust. Instead of answering, Regina takes two steps towards them and grabs their arms.

As she takes them to the party, she thinks _Finally._

As soon as the smoke clears and they are in the forest, Charming lunges for her. Just before he grabs her, Snow intervenes. She steps between Regina's fireball and the shepherd's raised sword. " Stop. Regina might not be able to hurt us, but that does not mean we should hurt her".

" She just teleported us! We could be anywhere and-".

" We are in the forest approximately a two week's ride away from where I believe Emma has been taken. We cannot get too close to where she is probably taken or my magic will be detected. I have all our provisions ready, as well as my remaining soldiers waiting for me".

" Remaining?" Snow questions, looking uncomfortable.

" Most of them were killed during the attack".

Snow looks a little sick – honestly, it is not like Death is new to her- and Charming just has that same glare he always wears around her. She ignores both of them as she stalks over to the horses that are already saddled, checking whether the provisions are still secure.

She points at the grey horse that is moving a little nervously, then at the large white one next to it that keeps nuzzling the white one. " Those are yours. Their names are Ardan and Wen. Try not to fall off them".

She mounts her own steed, a rather large black steed that shakes its mane impatiently. Without looking whether the morons have already mounted, she clicks her tongue and presses her knees gently into the horse's sides, prompting it to start trotting and finally galloping.

They don't speak for a few hours, in fact ignoring each other apart from basic instructions like 'left, right' and so on. Regina doesn't even glance back, but she knows her soldiers are watching her enemies like hawks. She has ordered them to, after all.

The sky is a canvas of colours by the time she pulls calmly on the reigns to guide her horse to a secluded spot. She dismounts, passes the reigns to a bowing soldier. Others are already starting to set up camp.

The two cretins ride towards her, Snow marginally more relaxed than the shepherd. " What is the plan?".

" We will rest for some time. You can eat if you want to. We will continue in a few hours".

" It will be dark ?" the shepherd says blankly. She raises her hand mockingly, lights a fireball and tosses it into the air. It keeps burning, floating in the air and following her when she takes a few steps.

"Oh. I did not know – " he trails off, pushing his lips together and glares at her again.

She ignores him and waves her hand to dim the fireball as she saunters over to the fire that has already been started. One of her satchels is next to it, like she instructed, and she takes a few vials from them before sitting down.

The dead weight sits down as well, still closer than Regina would've liked ( she would have liked them about twenty feet underground) but far enough for her to be as comfortable as she is going to get. She works while they talk softly, soft enough that she would need a spell to hear them.

" What are you doing? " Snow suddenly says and Regina flinches, then sneers as she nearly drops too much nightshade in the vial. _If I could kill her.._

" Do not talk while I am working, dear" she drawls. " In fact, do not talk at all. Your voice is more grating than even Rumple's mad giggle".

Snow actually obeys for once, just sits slightly closer than her shepherd. The silence is tense to the point of painful and at this point Regina does not even know whether it is their long and complicated history or Emma's absence.

She tries to forget who is sitting next to her, but it is impossible. She can feel all her muscles stiffen, her hand tremble ( rage, she thought vaguely) and – she had to do this right. She had to _focus_ and not let that woman ruin everything again. She inhales deeply, exhales but she cannot stop it. Cannot stop her stomach from lurching or her heart from racing or her anger from coming near-eruption.

Finally, the mixture turns a bright golden and she practically jumps to her feet, taking it with her as she marches away. She walks into the woods, into the darkness. Leans against a tree. Kicks it. When she is not calming down, only feels the rage build, she closes her eyes and tries to focus on something else.

Unbidden, her mind starts to fill with Emma. Emma's voice begging her to come back, Emma and snowflakes in her hair and that shy smile, Emma throwing her head back in laughter , Emma grinning as she pushes one of her soldiers back, Emma's fingers entwining with hers, Emma so b- .

She is just starting to calm down when a weight barges into her and throws her on the ground, then glinting teeth snap at her neck. Her eyes slid to the sky for a moment, where the full moon is all alone- no cloud in sight.

" Get off me, wolf" she commands, but Snow's furry friend only leans in closer, growling in a way that tells Regina she is seconds away from becoming a meal. So she acts accordingly, throwing the wolf away from her and binding her with magic. Stands up, brushes her pants.

She walks over to the bushes she thinks the girl came from, bends down and- " Are all of you so predictable? " she complains when her fingers brush against the cloak. Like expected, the girl would not come without her cloak: she is probably terrified of tearing Snow apart.

For a moment, Regina wonders. _If I released her in the middle of the camp, would she tear Snow apart?_

Then she shakes her head and stalks over to the growling wolf that is moving wildly.

She drops to her knees, throws the cloak on top of the writhing form. Then quickly takes a few steps. When the cloak drops back a little and reveal arms, she vanishes the magic chains. The arms draw the cloak closed.

The woman glares fiercely at her. " Where are they? You told me – ".

" Yes yes, I told you I had captured them and so on. It was a white lie, now follow me".

The woman snorts. " And _why_ would I be so stupid to do that?".

" Firstly, you were stupid enough to come". Regina turns around. " Secondly, I do not believe that the spell extends to you, dear, so if I had wanted to hurt you…" _I would've torn you apart and dragged Snow here to make her look at another life that she destroyed because of her selfishness._

" Okay , fine. Just – are they okay?". Regina starts walking again. " They are fine. I cannot hurt them, why are you even asking this?".

" Because you are tenacious . We have thought you were beaten before".

" Hm. Look at you, having half a brain. Why again are you associating with the morons? ".

A low growl is heard and when Regina glances next to her, the woman is snarling. She looks a lot like her wolf counterpart actually. " They are my friends. They are _good_ people".

Regina stops suddenly, sidesteps so that she is in very close proximity to the wolf. She smirks as the cloak is pushed back a little, eyes glowing with a faint golden sheen. " But are you?" she whispers.

The woman stiffens. Regina continues.

" Because.. your kind is not exactly docile and human-loving, is it? Well, unless you count the love for the t _aste_ of humans".

" You know nothing about me".

" You probably hurt someone you cared about. Are repelled by it. Have limited control about your wolf form, which makes you fear a repeat " Regina lists the bits of raw truths, watching as the woman's eyes start to fill with pain, then pushed away by anger.

" How do you even know that?" it sounds like an accusation.

Regina's lips linger close to the woman's ear for a moment, then she pulls back and starts to walk. " Never mind that. But you see, I understand. Does Snow? "Regina purposefully makes her voice a little higher, mocking. " Pure, good Snow who is loved by all the kingdom friends with the big bad wolf".

" I am not going to talk to you about this. Just take me to them".

Regina has actually thought about enlisting the werewolf since she first saw her at Snow's side. She would steal a friend of Snow's and gain a powerful ally at the same time. She wonders now why she has not really tried. It is an uncomfortable thing to do, doubting herself.

 _Before Emma, I did not question myself this much, did I? But that is because it is simple. Snow cost me everything._

"what is this even all about? " the wolf suddenly asks her, thankfully interrupting Regina's reflection. Questioning herself never ends well.

" Emma needs all our help ".

" What did you _do_ " the raw, hoarse words make Regina turn. She is unsurprised when she sees the cloak is being pushed away, but she grabs those hands. The woman shakes and looks like she is just going to tear her throat with human teeth but that all changes when Regina quietly admits " I should've left more protection at the castle".

She tries to keep it away, but most of the agony slips into her voice anyways.

Her hands are still gripping the woman, and she can feel the pulse jump beneath her fingers. They are staring at each other and both breaking hard.

There is a very long, very tense silence.

" So you want to help her?" it sounds disbelievingly

" Yes". Regina pulls back. She feels almost uncomfortable as the woman scrutinizes her, eyes narrowed. " Why- ".

Regina really never expected to be r _elieved_ to hear Snow's voice. But she is. Because when Snow barrels towards the woman, calling her name – Red- and they are both laughing and hugging and then the shepherd joins as well-

The overgrown dog seems to have forgotten her curiosity for a moment, which is good. Or she would have to teach her to mind her own business

Two weeks are long when you are in close proximity to a man that keeps looking at you like you are an ogre, a woman who is struggling in a way that gives you flashback to a you who had just lost everything and throwing you appraising looks and a wolf who keeps circling you like she is a damn guard dog.

Two weeks are also long when there is still that beehive in your stomach and your chest is tight and you feel nauseous with worry. When you can no longer talk to a blonde in the evening, when there is no opportunity to hear a certain special laugh. It is weird how used you had gotten to Emma and it is only now that she is gone that you note it.

Regina definitely feels like time is crawling. Not just because of how the close proximity to these three is making her feel or whatever Emma's absence is doing to her, but also because she has no exact idea what is going to happen to Emma. She has bad and worse suspicions, but nothing concrete.

And of course, Snow pretends like they do have time to explain Regina's presence (honestly, she should have just hidden , like she had grudgingly offered) to Snow's simpering allies/worshippers. And then have to prove Regina has not ripped their hearts or found some other way to control them. Stupidity, because _why would Regina then force them to be in her presence at all times._

Honestly, that is more torture for her than for them. _They_ huddle close around the fire and talk and laugh ( and she seethes, because how can you feel happy when she is gone). She is one forced to talk to Snow, who suddenly is losing most of the edges Emma's disappearance had added to her. And –

Well, talking to Red is actually bearable. They don't say that much, but Regina is a sorcerer who studied nearly everything : she knows about werewolves. Knows a lot more than most. And honestly, she thinks Red can't talk to Snow about some of the things she has done and she is _afraid_ of doing. So she lets the Snow's guard dog talk to her about that sometimes.

It is only when the subject shifts to _Emma_ ( often with questions like 'What exactly happened between the two of you before her abduction'?) that Regina freezes and lashes out. She never really hurts Red , but she warns and threatens and spits.

Damn wolf is far too stubborn.

Not that the idiots are any better, because _they_ keep pressing her for more information. Every day, they force her to go over the same plan and keep asking for more, for names and positions and what all not. Information she does not have, like she has told them from the start.

Anyways, about five, six days pass like this and they are getting close to the castle when it happens. In fact, the looming towers with their lights are visible against the evening sky when an arrow buries itself right before Snow's horse.

It is the first of many and then there are people all around them , firing arrows , flinging stones, drawing swords, some even using magic… it is immense chaos that makes even horses used to battles like these nervous.

" DISMOUNT" Regina screams, already slipping of her own horse and slapping its flank so it gallops away. From her eye corners, she thinks she sees the others doing something similar but she is already going for the nearest people.

It is blur of magic and arrows and her sword in one hand. She throws fireballs, draws shields, catches arrows and uses magic to fire them.. the forest ground around her is littered with bodies or moaning people but there are still more, more, more, more.

Then her heart nearly stops and she hears Snow's being screamed: there are arrows rushing for the princess' back. She was starting to tire , but now she suddenly feels an enormous rush of energy and right when Snow turns, the arrows are ripped apart in the air, the people who fired them grabbing their chests and falling to the ground.

Regina lets her hand fall, stares at in shock. She did that. She saved Snow. Emma probably wouldn't have even mad at her, because Regina could've just reacted too late or not seen it and- she saved the bra-

Then there is a man with a sword running towards her and she slits his throat with a practised motion. She steps over a few bodies, throws a fireball at an archer that is high up in a tree and dims it before it can set the whole forest on fire. She steps next to Red, Charming and Snow.

The last catches her attention.

" R- _regina_ " Snow presses her hand to her mouth, but it cannot fully hide a sob. Tears are spilling on her cheeks. When she retreats her hand slowly ( it is trembling and Regina is horrified at herself when she nearly reaches for it) there is a trembling smile.

"Don't mention it".

" You- ".

" _Don't_ ".

Snow takes a step towards her. " You s-screamed my name".

Regina takes a step forward, tries to summon all that hatred and anger. She just feels tired and sounds more desperate than disdainful when she says" I still _hate_ you".

Snow stops and for a long moment, Regina thinks the fool is going to try to hug her. But she doesn't. She just gives her a trembling smile and touches her hand for a millisecond. "I knew you still had good in you".

Regina tries to kill the little part of her that remembers 'mom might even forgive you', the part that wants that to be true. _I do not need her forgiveness. She wronged_ _me_. But even her thoughts seem hesitant and she just does not have the energy anymore to be so angry.

So she just sighs and starts walking. "Whatever you want to believe, Snow. But if you think good means I suddenly will forgive and forget, then you are solely mistaken".

Even she hears that the words lack conviction.

Which does not mean she will suddenly forget and forgive, but- _am I seriously considering letting her get away with it? She has not-_

But she has suffered, has she not? And suddenly, Regina thinks about a sleeping curse and chasing them and a prince temporarily turned into stone and most of all, a daughter being taken.

Snow keeps a little behind her and Regina can hear her sob softly , the sound dimmed a little bit. " It is all I wanted" she hears behind her, in between sobs. The shepherd whispers something back that Regina can't hear, but that sounds loving and it makes her ache for Emma.

Then it stops and she can almost feel Snow wanting to reach for her, but-

So many crimes, so much resentment-

She is just not ready.

They storm the castle. Like promised, their allies are there already. Regina is not sure, but she thinks no one on their side died. And probably also not on the other side, because 'good does not kill '. They themselves are not involved in the large battle, so she cannot be sure however.

It is all part of the plan: Snow's (and Charming's and Red's) friends serve as a distraction, also using some of Regina's magic for the extra factor of surprise and the four of them slip inside. Simple and to the point.

Of course, there is more to it. Like the whole place being protected by powerful magic that you cannot get through without alerting anyone. That needs a very powerful sorceress and still is a bit of a gamble. Luckily, Regina became prepared.

Still, she is pale and exhausted and her magic reserves are low ( the magical protection is designed cleverly: even if you break it, it saps your magic immensely so you are vulnerable afterwards) after making sure the magic was disarmed.

Still, she has a werewolf, an archer and a swordsman with her. She still has a bit of magic. They will pull this off, they _have_ to.

Halfway to the chamber her magic found Emma in earlier, Red rips of her cloak. Charming's sword is half-drawn. Snow has a full quiver of arrow (tipped in a special potion, not one that kills but one that will block magic). Regina has a sword as well.

Red runs forward: Regina hurls magic at the doors that blasts it open and they all barge in. Then three of the four skid to a halt. Regina tenses and tries to warn them, but it all goes so awfully fast.

Snow drops her bow a little, smiles brightly. Charming looks so very relieved. Red hangs back.

" Blue " Snow gasps and walks towards the smiling woman rising from the throne-like chair she had been sitting in. Regina notes both Emma and the knife a split-second before any of the others does. Emma is in the corner, deadly pale and with cuffs Regina recognizes around her arms ( anyone without magic knowledge would have taken them for harmless, pretty bracelets). Blue's right hand holds a half-hidden knife as she opens her arms for a hug.

Regina reacts admittedly stupidly. Right when Charming shouts and Red surges forward, she teleports. She falls back into Snow's arms when the knife rips open her stomach.


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own OUAT.**

_This noise is horrendous._ She has to struggle to even think that. And the noise is dim, far way- like she is sinking in a bath and washing her hair, someone calling her name from outside the door. It isn't the loudness of it anyways- it is not loud, but shrill- it is the emotion behind it. The way it sounds like someone's voice breaking, shattering. How it is somewhere in the middle of a sob and rage.

 _Emma._ She is exhausted in three ways at least, her body protesting against her efforts to stay awake, her mind so exhausted she feels almost empty like anyone casting a dark curse would and thinking has never felt so challenging before. But Emma-

She doesn't know how but she manages to open her eyes a little.

They zero in on the thing that matters- not the fighting, not Snow at her back, not the magic that is threatening to make this all go horribly wrong but the slumped figure in that chair. She tastes blood when she licks too-dry lips, croaks out " Emma". She screams in her head again, at the stupid arm that won't move , that won't point out what these idiots are missing.

There is a sob somewhere behind her and she is too tired to feel anything, whether it would be loathing or that impossibility she thinks she might have felt these past weeks. She can't ever remember phsycially hurting like this, not even when her mother was in one of her moods, but she grits her teeth and forces her hand to reach for behind her. " Emma" she croaks again, 

and she tries to push the person behind her away. 

She only barely manages to keep her eyes open. Every part of her wants to sleep, to stop the pain and exhaustion but Emma is still there. Her heart is beating too fast and she is nauseous; Emma is paler than should be possible. She wants to rip someone heart out and find out the best ways to hurt them: there are bruises hidden beneath Emma's shirt, and blood beneath the curls at her sleep. For a moment, her magic actually rushes through her veins, ready to rip apart who dared to hurt her Emma- 

then she curses her own weakness as her body revolts and she feels the cold floor against her cheek. 

She is still forcing her eyes to stay open, and keeping them on Emma but she is vaguely aware of what she is going on. She can hear furious growls, clang! and soft whoosh! of arrows. The air is constrictive and electric with magic, and she tastes blood. There is another noise, possibly a scream- but it is too soft for that. Far too- 

She sees a flash of blue and a sword falling to the ground. She gasps, her eyes watering, as she struggles to push herself upright. _Work, damn it, WORK_ Her magic won't disobey, she feels like she is lighting a candle but there is a tornado going on.  
The last thing she sees before darkness is Blue's horrid face ( the gash on her cheek is dripping

blood) as she starts to reach for Emma. 

She startles awake. 

It seems like another dream at first, or perhaps a hallucination, when she manages to turn her head slightly and she is looking at Snow. She hisses when pain shoots through her at the first attempt to sit up. She loaths how she is too weak to even push Snow's hands away when they drop from her forehead to grab her arms and carefully tug her in a sitting position. 

She stares at Snow, who is eerily close and whose eyes are wet. " Emma?". 

"She is asleep. She won't - " _She cost you everything_ Regina reminds herself when her heart clenches painfully at the pathetic sound Snow makes. Somehow, the reminder is no longer enough to stop her from saying " She is very strong. She will be okay" 

She is terrified herself, but Snow seems to believe her. Regina grits her teeth: the woman has the same awed, somehow trusting look she used to as little girl visiting Regina's chambers. Regina's skin crawls and she has to consciously keep herself from lashing out when faced with that look.  
" She is " Snow agrees. 

Regina hides a grimace when she sinks into the pillows at her back and even that minimal movement burns. " What happened?" . _I just require all the details. Because the inept morons cannot be trusted to have done anything right. This is not concern._

" After - after you saved me - " Regina tries to stop her but Snow stil grabs her hand and gasps " you saved me. Again. And Reg-" 

" You were more useful to me alive. Then. I am not certain you are now, so do not- ". 

Snow does that infuriating thing where she smiles fondly and knowingly. She makes it even worse by squeezing Regina's hand - and even Regina's glare cannot stop the menace. Perhaps she has underestimated how foolish Snow truly is. " Of course. But after you caught- " Snow takes a deep breath, her eyes very troubled, before she manages to continue " After you caught that knife that was meant for me, Charming attacked Blue. But- ". 

" He attacked her? Is he truly nothing more than a pretty face, she possesses _magic_ ". 

Regina fantasizes about ripping out the shepherd's heart when Snow says " don't worry, he is fine". 

She hufs. "I am hardly concerned about your peasant" 

" Oh? Because you-". 

She smirks. " I am willing to rip his heart out, if you require any proof Snow". 

It is infuriating, how Snow does not look angry or worried, just tiredly amused. And squeezes her hand. Again. " Well, after Charming attacked her - he was thrown back. Ruby used the distraction to creep up on Blue, and even managed to close her jaws around her arm. After that- it was a bit chaotic honestly. My arrows were deflected, Charming's sword was ripped from his hand by a vine that was suddenly there, Ruby's cloak tried to strangle her-" 

Snow swallows, several tears slipping out "we thought everything was lost" she whispers. 

" That insipid fairy- " Regina spits, vaguely remembering her reaching for Emma.

" I think she wanted to- ". 

Regina weakly tries to yank her hand back when Snow squeezes it and she is reminded of the fact that her hand is still being hold by her greatest enemy. " I don't understand. She was my- I trusted her. She helped my family for ages. Why would she- ".

" You do not truly know her, Snow. She has always concealed things from you. And only shown you, what you needed to see to believe her to be good". 

" But why?". 

"Because she could use you. Your family was royalty, Snow. I am certain that she- ". 

"Why Emma?". 

Regina sighs, closes her eyes momentarily. She is still exhausted, and she can feel her injury throb and burn. " I do not know". 

" So - she might still be in danger?" Snow whispers. 

Regina's eyes fly open, and she bites down on her lips when she nearly whimpers at the pain that moving brings. " How did you manage to get Emma away from her?". 

Regina recognizes the emotion in Snow's eyes all too well. It is anger at herself, possibly even self-loathing. " We didn't" she shakes her head. " I was still firing arrows, Charming was helping Ruby and Blue was - she was marching towards Emma. And-". 

Regina may be holding her breath a little. Snow scrunches her brow, narrows her eyes slightly. " Blue was reaching for Emma, trying to grab her arm. And then her eyes opened" Snow had looked away from Regina, but now she is turning her head so Regina can see her teary-eyed smile. " And then she saw you. And- Blue suddenly screamed and stumbled back. And she vanished". 

She can't breathe and she can't breathe and she can't - "what does that mean?". 

Snow smiles. " That perhaps, you can part of my family again" she squeezes Regina's hand one last time, then slowly lets it go. " and perhaps, we might even do it right this time" . 

Regina doesn't even know what to say, except- " I want to see Emma". 

"Regina, you probably shouldn't- ". 

" You do not get to order me around, I am not one of your lily-livered servants-". 

" I am not saying you are, but you're still injured and-". 

Snow is trying to push her down while Regina is trying to get up, or at the very least to get Snow away from her, when the door slams open. She gets a glimpse of a doubled-over guard, another one running towards them and-

" Emma " she breathes. 

She doesn't need to push anymore: Snow automatically pulls back and allows her daughter to crawl on the bed and gently place her hands on Regina's shoulders. " Don't ever again do that" she orders and Regina probably only doesn't protest because her eyes are pleading. 

She has to clear her throat several times. She is pretty sure there are still tears slipping - how embarrassing- but she is too relieved to see Emma to truly care. " It was not my intention to hurt for Snow White ever aga-". 

" _Thank you_ ". 

Regina stares at Emma. She has to breathe in and out slowly to feel less terribly angry at the sight of the healing gash, and bruises. " What for? I couldn't- " I _failed. I did not protect, nor save you. That worthless creature managed to hurt you_

She has such a gorgeous smile- shy and strong and awed- and Regina automatically smiles back. " You saved my mother. You- thank you". 

" I am certain that the entire kingdom would fall over themselves in order to save your mother, E- ". 

" Perhaps. But they- they don't have a lot of complicated history with her, you know?". 

" You mean they do not loathe her" she can see Snow flinche in her eyecorner, but what did she expect? Just because Regina saved her, does not mean everything is forgiven and forgotten.  
Emma obviously notices too, because she briefly looks at her mother and squeezes her arm, before looking back at Regina. " I mean that they do not have complicated history with her. As far as I know, you don't save people you hate". 

" You do if they matter to someone you l- " she cannot say it. It feels like a betrayal and the perfect way to give the universe ammunition to hurt her again. "to someone who means something to you". 

Emma deflates a little bit, then smiles. " Okay. If that is what you going with". 

" I - " she can't say it. There is still a part of her that feels raw and itching with discomfort at the idea that she could be that vulnerable. _And she is Snow's daughter. How could I ever be weak enough to like the blood of the woman that took my happy ending?_

"Regina. Whatever you are thinking -please stop it". 

She inhales sharply as she suddenly feels warmth, and her magic creating goose bumps on her arms. She glances at where Emma's hand is on hers. Looks back into pleading eyes. " You are still hurt". 

Emma looks confused at the sudden turn in subject. " I - yes. Some of it is magical". 

Regina grits her teeth. _As soon as I find that fairy, I will start by ripping off her wings_. " Would you allow me to heal you? ". 

Regina hates how young and light she feels, and how smiling is something she cannot fight, whenever Emma smiles. The feelings only worsen when Emma says " As long as it doesn't hurt you, or makes you tired again". 

" I have been practising magic for a long time, so I doubt it". 

" Regina - I am sure you were still - " Emma starts to protest, at the same time to Snow steps forward again to say " After the attack on Blue's stronghold, I am not sure it is wise- ".  
But they both know nothing about magic. Nor do they know about how much pain she can stand, and function through. She raises her hand and waves- 

"Regina!" 

"Regina!". 

Two voices immediately shout, and Emma grabs her hand while Snow starts to reach for her as well. She grits her teeth and tries again. And again. And again. She tries until there are sharp stabs in her head. She tries until her vision blurs. She tries until she gets dizzy. 

" REGINA STOP " she tries until Emma shrieks and her voice breaks " p-please". 

She leans back against the pillows, pushes at Snow's hands. It's Emma's she accepts. " Should we get a healer?" it's Snow's voice. She wants to sneer and tell her how foolish it is to be that worried when your enemy gets hurt. 

It feels like someone is driving a sword into her eyes when she does it , but she turns her head anyways. " What did you do to me" she spits, curling her fingers. If she could, she would rip Snow's heart out right now. She is certainly close enough for it 

" Regina. I swear- " . 

" We both know your promises are worthless, so do not bother" 

" Regina, stop. It wasn't my mom". 

She doesn't look away from Snow. " Oh rea-". 

" How would she even do that?". 

" I am certain that someone could be found to be willing to assist your mother. And she is the one who would benefit the most from my protection being gone". 

Snow looks hurt when her hand is slapped away. " Regina- I don't know anyone who could do that to you. And I would never hurt you- not even after all you did to me". 

" Never- you wished to execute me'. 

" After you had hurt thousands of people!" 

" No, you hurt them". 

" Regina, stop- ". 

" You could have surrendered. You could have shown yourself. You could have turned yourself in" she tells herself to revel in the cornered expression Snow wears when she takes a small step back. " You could've made sure it was just you being hurt. But instead, you allowed entire villages to risk their lives for you. I would have left the peasants alone, if they had not betrayed me at every turn. You have their blood on your hands as much as I have, dear". 

" No- no- I didn't mean, I never ask-". 

" But didn't you? Surely you must have, sometimes. You must have required help occassionally. And even if you managed to survive on your own, all those people suffered because you lived". 

" YOU decided to hurt them! I offered you forgiveness, Regina, again and again. I offered you your freedom after you had hurt-" 

" But you never offered me when I wanted it. You took Daniel- ". 

"I was a child- ". 

" Mom, Regina- please sto- ". 

" You were an inconsiderate child who cost me everything. Did you think I wanted to be married to your father?". 

" Yes. He was a wonderful man- why wouldn't you?". 

Even after all these years, there is something that stops her from telling Snow exactly what kind of man her father was. " I told you I did not love him. I told you I loved Daniel. I trusted you". 

" How could I have known your mother would be as inhuman as- ". 

" You deserve to have your heart ripped out" she spits it in Snow's face, after grabbing the front of that dress and yanking her forward. She presses her hand against her chest, smiling at the thought of- 

" STOP IT" Emma pushes them apart, causing Snow to stumble back and Regina to fall on the small pile of pillows. She is already pushing herself up, glaring at Snow, when she falters. It actually hurts to see Emma look so disappointed, and angry. 

" She made a mistake. A simple mistake, surely- ". 

She can't help herself. "Your mother could have saved all those people. If she had surrendered, I wouldn't- ". 

" You could have chosen to not hurt them in the first place" it is Snow. Regina feels like she should be elated by the tears on Snow's cheeks, but she is just exhausted. 

"And you could have paid a little more attention, and realized the palace was the last place I wanted to be". 

" I thought you liked me". 

" I never wanted to be your mother!" 

Snow swallows, nods. " I thought you were the most amazing person, Regina. I couldn't stop talking about you to daddy. If I had ever thought it would lead to you being unhappy- I would have kept my mouth shut. That's the last thing I wanted". 

" Pardon me if I find that difficult to believe. Even when I finally was trapped in your castle, you left me alone all the time. I was either your doll or completely forgettable" she clamps her lips shut. She has said things she never wanted to. It almost seems like she cared that Snow and the King would be gone for ages, and leave her utterly alone and wondering whether she mattered so little to them. Whether she was truly nothing more than a plaything, or a babysitter. 

"Regina, I didn't- ". 

" Leave ". 

Regina wishes vehemently for her magic when Emma sighs and smiles at her mother, then slides of the bed. She scowls and quickly yanks her hand back, hoping they both did not see her immediately reaching for Emma. 

Emma hugs is speaking lowly and softly, but Regina can still hear her. " Just let me take this one. She gets mean when she feels vulnerable. I will talk to you later, okay?". 

Snow mumbles something back that sounds like she is protesting, but does allow Emma to pull

back and gently push her towards the door. "We will be fine, mom. Go help dad - I kind of pushed him on the ground when he tried to keep me in my room ". 

Snow gasps. " Emma, your father is -". 

" He was chuckling, pretty sure he is fine. Tell him I am sorry. Bye" and she pushes Snow out of the door, then pushes it closed. She rolls her eyes when they can hear Snow yell " your father better be fine, young lady" 

"I am an adult, and she still does things like that all the time" 

They share a smile for a moment before Emma slowly walks towards her, and sits down. 

"Are you angry at me?" Regina asks, when the silent starts to feel really strained. 

Emma sighs. " Of course I am. It is not okay that you're like that with mom. And I don't even know what to say about what you did. That is just- ". 

" So you are judging me, princess". 

Emma clenches her teeth. " I am not judging you. But I am not going to pretend that it doesn't matter, either". 

Regina feels herself relax slightly, less inclined to push Emma away from her or say something that would surely chase her away. " I am not evil. That is the monniker she burdened me with". 

" I don't think you're evil right now. I think - after what you did for me and my family, you're pretty great" Emma laughs. Regina has to clench her hands to keep from reaching out; she sounds anything but happy." Although you could argue that you owed us. Or at the very least, you owed mom". 

" I owed her? I owe her nothing, she- ". 

" Regina. I know- I know there are things that happened to you that you haven't told me about. And I know mom hurt you, and was the reason other people hurt you. But you can't keep blaming her like that". 

She has to clench her teeth to keep herself from lashing out. She wants to throw a fireball at something, or be so hurtful that Emma will never again be near her. It is mostly because she remembers things like saving Snow without question - and that feeling that was like concern. And the last weeks of Emma's capture (though at that point , her stay had been mostly willingly) - how she hadn't felt gleeful at all when looking at how Snow was breaking.

" She is ready to forgive you. You know that, right?". 

" And who says I am willing to forgive her?". 

" You did save her life. Twice". 

" That was a necessary evil, dear".

Emma's smile makes her heart beat faster, as well as making it clench when it's sad like this. " Does it not exhaust you, forcing yourself to hate someone who loves you so much".

She can't help it. She knows it will anger or hurt Emma, but she can't help it. Emma grimaces predictably at the cruel laugh. " Love me? I do hope that that is not _love_ \- or I would most definitely want to take you far away from your parents".

Emma grits her teeth, and looks away for a second. Regina can feel her heartbeat triple in a very unpleasant way and nearly opens her mouth to apologize at the look in Emma's eyes. " You already did that. You spent several weeks gloating, telling me how my mom was hurting and how she was showing she was not as 'pure and untainted' as she liked to 'pretend'.

Regina thinks she has made a terrible mistake when Emma stands up and pushes herself away from Regina. "Emma- wait, I am sorry" she calls out, even if the voice in her head that never shuts up immediately whispers _weak._

Emma slowly turns around. She is usually very expressive, but now her face is carefully smooth. It is just her eyes that warn Regina, warn her to not say the wrong thing now. "I shouldn't have said that- I am sorry".

Emma sighs. "Is it going to be like this forever? Are you always going to lash out and say the most horrible things whenever I try to get us to _work_ ".

" But that is the point , is it not? We are not _supposed_ to " Regina wants to curse her voice, which is soft and young and slightly desperate. _Pathetic._

" Why not? I think we could be great, if you let go of your obsession with hurting my mom".

" _Great-_ Emma, you are the pure and untainted princess of the White Kingdom. And I- " perhaps Snow is wicked, beneath all that illusive 'goodness' of hers, but Emma isn't. Emma is slightly rough and honest to the point of rudeness, but also always wanting to help people. Emma is sunrises and rough diamonds. " I am your familly's greatest enemy. I am the one who abducted you, for magic's sake".

" I know" Regina kind of wants to weep at how Emma's eyes aren't hard, or pained anymore. " Did you ever find out how my mom and dad met?".

"I - what does this have to do with _anything_? ".

" Mom wanted to rob his carriage. Or well- she actually robbed his by mistake. She hit him with a rock. _Twice._ He trapped her in a net. They fought a bunch of trolls. And dad left to marry someone he didn't love, while mom's plan was to go somewhere safe. And possible very, very far away".

" Is there perhaps a point to regaling the beginning of the idiots' happy ending?".

" Regina. Does that story seem like a perfect, uncomplicated situation? ".

" No of course not".

" Exactly! My parents weren't supposed to work. Dad was engaged, mom was hunted. They met when she wanted to rob him. He was a shepherd, pretending to be his twin. She was a bandit, who had lost her kingdom. That is not exactly the kind of thing you would expect to be a happy ending, right?".

" Right".

" But it _did_ ". Regina feels the usual paradox of wanting to pull away, and wanting to never let go when Emma grabs her hand. " And if that can work, why shouldn't we be able to have a happy ending?".

" Emma, you cannot- ".

" I know you feel like you need to make my mom hurt, like she deserves that. But that won't make you happy. It will just make you lonely, and hated".

" The people will never love me".

" Perhaps not. But- " Emma squeezes her hand, then takes a deep breath. "Other people will. People that really appreciate you risking your life for them, and even hurting yourself so their mom would be okay".

 _This woman is ridiculous._ " People like you?"

" I wouldn't know where you got that idea".

Regina smiles back. Her smiles are far briefer than Emma's ever are ( it is possibly because Emma also smiles when she is hurt, or angry). This one is particularly brief, only lasting about two seconds before fading, chased away by what giving in to what she has been feeling would entail.

"I do not know whether I am able to forgive her " she admits, quietly. 

" Okay".

Regina chokes out a disbelievingly laugh. " You would be okay with me still loathing your mother?".

" I don't think you loathe her. You saved her".

" For you. Nothing- do not expect more than that, Emma".

" I won't. To be honest, I would be slight disturbed if you two suddenly started braiding flowers into each other's hair again".

It is so much easier to laugh around Emma. " That will never happen".

" Right. Because you 'loathe' her".

" I also have not braided my hair in years".

" What, braids not intense enough for the evil queen? ".

Regina smirks. "My fashion sense has changed along with me".

Emma sounds slightly breathless when she says "I've noticed" and Regina grins wickedly as she recognizes the look, the one that Emma sometimes gets when faced with Regina's dresses (Emma's reaction to the form-fitting one that leaves her back bare had been particularly interesting)

She chuckles, and Emma sighs and shakes her head. "You're awful" she insists.

" Oh? ".

" _Yes._ Like when you made me undress you".

" I thought I was being rather generous that day. I was offering you something I was certain you desired, after all ".

Regina decides she likes it even more when Emma is flustered than when she is smiling. Especially when she also glares defiantly like that. She stubbornly refuses to say anything, which just makes Regina goade her more. She leans in, lowers her voice slightly. " You could not control your eyes. And you were even more flustered than you are right now".

" Well, I remember a certain person nearly falling into the bathtub"

Regina's annoyance is fake: she actually enjoys the way Emma's eyes and voice get when she is teasing. " That is preposterous".

" No, really. You were uncharacteristically ungra- " Emma only barely manages to hold her hand in front of her mouth when she yawns. It is only now that Regina remembers Emma is still wounded, and possibly exhausted. _I will rip that fairy's wings off, and that will be the nicest thing I will do to her._

" Return to your chambers, princess" she orders, though not unkindly.

" Can't I sleep with you?" .

Regina chuckles. " I am certain you need more energy for that, dear".

Emma rolls her eyes. "Actual sleeping".

She tries very hard to hide how every part of her wants to pull the blanket back, and pull Emma against her. Possibly tangle her legs around her. And quite certainly never let her go.

" If you insist".

Emma rolls her eyes again, and smiles like she knows Regina is only pretending this is not something she really wants as well. She lifts the blanket, and Regina can't stop a fond smile at how careful Emma is, like any motion could break Regina. " I am not that fragile, Emma".

" No, but you're wounded" she simply says.

" I am fine".

" No one is 'fine' after a knife ripped open their stomach"

Before Regina can lie, she adds " turn around".

" Why?".

" Because you have an injury, and I am going to hurt you if we sleep like this"

" I am certain I will survive" Regina says, but she obeys anyways. It is not like she objects to being by Emma- even if she won't admit it. In fact, she discovers it is incredibly enjoyable to be held by Emma. She is soft and warm, with the exact right amount of firm muscle.

Regina cannot help the content sigh that slips out. Fortunately, Emma does not comment- which allows Regina to relax further in the embrace. Her eyes start to flutter, and she sighs again. Emma's lips are slightly dry, and as warm as the rest of her when she kisses Regina's neck.

" Sleep well " she mutters , and Regina mutters something back that could be anything. They're both asleep barely a minute after that, tangled together, Emma's nose pressed into Regina's neck and her arms around the smiling brunette. Regina looks younger like this, and the anger that is always present is no longer just subdued but replaced by a content smile. Emma looks calm and happy like she never does.

The wound beneath their entwined hands slowly starts to heal, rainbow light visible through the cloth keeping it from sight.


End file.
